Today, in front of an arena of cheering economic illiterates, Donald Trump announced his plans to levy a punitive 500% tariff on bananas. The worldwide banana market is huge at 16.5 metric tons of exports annually.. Trump pressed home the point that while three large US multinational corporations control 33% of the worldwide market, virtually none of their production in the United States, costing American agricultural workers thousands of jobs! Trump is no longer going to allow countries like India and China to dump their cheap bananas in the United States at the expense of US workers. "Our leaders have for too long allowed countries like India and China and the Philippines to take advantage of their local climate and soil conditions," Trump bellowed to a frenzied crowd of high school dropout supporters. "We have the technology here in the United States to grow bananas hydroponically in indoor greenhouses. With my 500% tariff, our banana industry will finally be able to compete on a level playing field with the banana producing countries who have been taking advantage of us for far too long! This is national security issue. Americans need potassium-rich foods for our survival!"