Subject: Re: Trump's Bananas
On Thursday, March 8, 2018 at 2:43:10 PM UTC-8, BillB wrote:
> Today, in front of an arena of cheering economic illiterates, Donald Trump announced his plans to
levy a punitive 500% tariff on bananas.
> The worldwide banana market is huge at 16.5 metric tons of exports annually. Trump pressed home
the point that while three large US multinational corporations control 33% of the worldwide market,
virtually none of their production in the United States, costing American agricultural workers
thousands of jobs! Trump is no longer going to allow countries like India and China to dump their
cheap bananas in the United States at the expense of US workers.
> "Our leaders have for too long allowed countries like India and China and the Philippines to take
advantage of their local climate and soil conditions," Trump bellowed to a frenzied crowd of high
school dropout supporters.
> "We have the technology here in the United States to grow bananas hydroponically in indoor
greenhouses. With my 500% tariff, our banana industry will finally be able to compete on a level
playing field with the banana producing countries who have been taking advantage of us for far too
long! This is national security issue. Americans need potassium-rich foods for our >survival!"
BREAKING NEWS: President Donald Trump has just made a surprise announcement that he will exclude
Guatemala, Ecuador, Costa Rica, Honduras, Colombia, Mexico, Peru, Nicaragua, Thailand, Panama,
Dominican Republic, Philippines, China and El Salvador from his banana tariff regime.
"We have decided to exclude certain countries from the tariffs because of our special relationships
with these banana republics." Trump said.
"But make no mistake, these countries better watch themselves, because we could take action against
them at any time!"
Analysts were quick to point out the excluded countries represented 99.96% of banana imports to the
US. When questioned about the effectiveness of a tariff that only affected 0.04% of banana imports,
White House spokesperson Sarah "Kentucky Fried" Saunders confidently stated, "I haven't had any
discussions with the President on this issue."
Polling results from Rasmussen Reports indicate that 88% of Americans support the banana tariffs,
and that since the announcement President Trump's approval rating has surged to 97% (of likely
voters with an IQ less than 80).